


Behind Your Eyes are Waves and Stars

by dustoftheancients



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Canon Compliant, F/M, Force dreams, Light Angst, Rey spends so much time wondering if Kylo is alive that it sounds more like hope, Reylo - Freeform, Reylo Fanfiction Anthology, leaving a cavernous hole bigger than she expects, she doesn't realize that she's used to it - to him - until he's gone, the worst part is not knowing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-30
Updated: 2017-09-30
Packaged: 2018-12-23 17:07:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,457
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11994201
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dustoftheancients/pseuds/dustoftheancients
Summary: Kylo pulled her out into the stars - the darkness between the stars.“Where are you?” She called into the void.He trapped her against him with his arm, wrapping it across her shoulders in a stiff, crushing embrace. Then his grip tightened further, a cage. Her skin burned at his touch.“Rey.”It was barely more than a whisper.





	Behind Your Eyes are Waves and Stars

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this piece for the Celebrate the Awakening Fanfiction Anthology. My "celebration" was anniversary, although I'm pretty sure I used that prompt in the loosest way possible. I tried to make it as...I don't know, _free_ , as possible while still staying within the confines of the prompt. I hope you guys dig it, I was very honored to participate in an anthology with so many other talented writers. Be sure to check out the rest of the collection, as well!
> 
> Hope you guys like it.

****Rey knew exactly what day it was.

The day she no longer felt Kylo Ren hovering in the back of her head. Lurking. Throbbing. _Insistent_.

It had been exactly a year. One year since Kylo Ren had killed his father, had almost killed Finn. One year since she left him to die in the snow. Since he introduced her to the Force, as unintentional as his actions had been.

He was ripped from her brain like a wound. It happened in the darkest hours of the morning.

Wide-eyed, she lay on her mat with a stuttering heart and an empty head.

Gone.

He was just-

 _Gone_.

Did that mean that something had happened to him? Or maybe this was just one of his tricks, and he had something sinister planned. Or – was he dead? The back of her mind felt raw, like someone had ripped the skin off a part of her brain. It was sore, and it was hollow.

When he didn’t come back after a minute, and then after several minutes, Rey began to breathe again. It wasn’t from relief, but because she had held her breath so long that she felt like she might explode. He just wasn’t _there_ anymore.

It kept her up until the sun rose. That feeling of raw, torn emptiness. She couldn’t help but dwell on it even as she ate her breakfast. The only moments she could take her mind off of it – him, gone maybe forever – were when Luke had her go through her forms. He’d only just started to let her train with the lightsaber, she couldn’t afford not to pay attention.

But her balance was off. Something in her was off.

“I didn’t sleep well,” is what she said when Luke asked her how she was feeling.

His ever-present frown deepened just slightly. “Well, then, let’s just focus on exercise today.”

He had her running laps around the island for a good portion of the day. Then he sat her down to practice lifting rocks with the Force. All that did was allow her a moment to prod at the back of her mind.

She would never reach out to him, to try and see if he was alright, or dead.

She wouldn’t even know how.

Luke had her run one more lap around the island while he made their dinner. She welcomed it as her last true distraction of the day, because as soon as she sat down to eat with him, her mind started to wander.

Did this have something to do with what day it was?

She doubted it.

Maybe he was hiding his presence because he was close enough to attack, and he didn’t want to give himself away. Or maybe their connection had simply dissolved. That was supposed to happen when someone died, she was pretty sure.

She almost forgot Luke was sitting across from her until they were finished with their meal. He spoke in a low tone that nonetheless nearly made her jump out of her skin.

“What was it like?” His eyes were suddenly averted, fixed solely on the fire. He stoked it slowly, absentmindedly.

A knot twisted in her chest. She felt fairly certain about what he was speaking of, but he had never asked her about it before. They had never talked about it.

“What was what like?”

The words felt choked.

He looked at her, his eyes a vibrant blue against the glow of the flames. “What happen when Han died?”

He wanted her to tell the story.

She didn’t know if she could.

And how ironic that he would ask this day, of all days. That as soon as she was left without that presence in her head – _him_ , and everything he reminded her of – she would be asked to dredge it up once more, anyway. If it was for anyone else – _anyone_ else – she wouldn’t do it.

The only sound between them was the cracking of the fire.

“I don’t know how-” she paused. Took a breath and stared into the fire. “By the time we got there, Han was already talking to Kylo Ren. We couldn’t hear what they were saying.”

“But they were speaking?”

Rey nodded.

When Luke didn’t say any more for a few moments, she went on. “He didn’t have his helmet on. For a moment…for a moment, it looked like,” she trailed off. She couldn’t help but nudge at the strange emptiness in her head. It felt raw.

“He was angry?” Luke prompted.

“No.”

It had been the first time she had felt him across a distance, the first time his emotions had stretched across the emptiness like they were connected by a string. She remembered how _breathless_ she felt at his yearning, at his hopelessness. And in that first moment of connection – she might have reached back. She couldn’t remember.

“He looked like he was going to go with him.”

She had thought-

“But I was wrong. He killed him.”

She hated him in that moment. She had wanted to take the thread that connected them and tie it around his neck as if it was a real, tangible thing. She had wanted to kill him.

Still wanted.

Had wanted.

 _Still_.

The dark, echoing corner of her mind throbbed like a wound. What had happened to that thread? Or had something happened to him? She itched to ask Luke about it, but he didn’t even know that they had that connection in the first place. Maybe that was a good thing, if everything was over now. Nothing to worry about. He would never have to know.

Maybe Kylo Ren was dead.

She wished she could bring herself to ask Luke.

“Do you hate him for it?”

It took her a moment. She blinked. “What?”

He kept his steady gaze on her, unwavering. Observing. “Do you hate Kylo Ren for what he’s done?”

 _Yes_.

The word almost flew out of her mouth – but it lodged somewhere in the back of her mouth. It was like having half-swallowed food in her throat. Rey found that she had to think about it. She hesitated.

Did she hate him? Yes, she did.

Did she hate him?

She-

Didn’t know.

So she was honest, and that’s what she told him. Luke nodded, barely a flicker of surprise behind his eyes. She wondered what answer he was expecting. He put down the stick he used to stoke the fire and stood.

“I want to show you something.”

He waited for her to stand before he turned. He led her across the island, to the cliffs that looked over the ocean. Almost everything looked over the ocean, but on the edges of the island it seemed bigger. Endless.

He took her to a tiny path on the edge of the cliff that dipped at a steep angle. Sticking to the tiny path, they descended the edge of the cliff face. She went slowly, her back pressed so tightly against the rock that she scraped herself several times. The path had sharp, unsteady curves that made Rey’s heart clench in her chest, but Luke didn’t seem bothered at all. He had obviously traversed this path many times.

The path led to a small opening in the cliff, a narrow cave that sat just above the water’s edge. There was barely more than a meter between their feet and the dark water lapping at the rock.

“The tide will be coming in shortly,” Luke mentioned as he made his way into the cave. “We’ll have to be quick.”

Rey followed behind him, glancing back at the ocean. She couldn’t swim.

The cave was so dark that she had to feel along the edge of the wall to find her way. It stayed narrow for a good ten meters before it opened up into a wider space. It wasn’t a very big space, but in comparison to where they had come from it felt large. A line of pale light broke through the rock on the ceiling, a small opening to somewhere up on the island. It allowed just enough light for her eyes to adjust, to keep the darkness from being complete.

It was very cold, and the light from the ceiling brought with it a breeze.

For the first time that day, Rey forgot about the empty wound in her head. Her heart fluttered in her chest, a little off-beat. There was a stirring in the air apart from the breeze, something that raised the hairs on her arms.

The Force shifted here, like a pool of water. It felt-

“What is this place?” She breathed.

Luke turned his face up to the light. “I found it not long after I came here. It’s a small well, of sorts. You can feel it, can’t you?”

She nodded, swallowed. “Yeah.”

“Good.” He turned to her. “I want us to meditate together.”

“But the tide-”

He sat on the ground. Tiny bits of algae grew in the cracks in the rock. Everything was damp. “We won’t take long. Just a few minutes.”

Rey shifted on her feet for a moment, then complied. The sooner she did, the sooner they could leave. She could hear the faint sounds of the ocean echoing from the cave entrance. The ground was uncomfortable and cold, and the water soaked through her pants. She fought against the chill that ran through her.

Luke didn’t seem to mind the wet or the cold. He closed his eyes, his hands loosely clasping his knees. “Just take a moment with me.”

Closing her eyes, she tried.

“Try and connect to this place,” he spoke softly. His words started to blend into the background.

It was easy to connect to the Force here. It was as if the Force was reaching out to her, lapping at her consciousness like the waves outside the cave.

The waves grew louder in her head, until she was half-convinced the tide had come in all at once, and they would be swept away by the current. She tried to ignore it, told herself that it wasn’t real – but it _felt_ real.

Her eyes flew open.

She was sitting in water nearly up to her waist, and more was coming in. Luke was gone.

Rey scrambled to her feet, nearly losing her footing on the slick rock.

“Luke?” She called out.

Nothing. He was just gone.

More water poured through the opening to the cave, and her heart started to thunder in her chest. She couldn’t swim; she _warned_ him that the tide would be coming in soon-

Something drew her attention to the top of the cave, a flicker of that pale light. The ceiling was much closer than it had been a moment before, close enough that she could reach up and wedge her fingers in the crack. She pushed against it – and it moved. It moved enough the she cold wedge her other hand in there, giving her more leverage.

It she could open up the earth, maybe she could climb out.

She could see stars on the other side.

She could _feel_ -

A strong grip encircled her wrist. Without a doubt, she knew who it was. The back of her head buzzed, a chemical reaction to proximity.

“Kylo,” she gasped. Started to pull her hand away – a reflex.

But he already had a grip on her. His other hand reached down and snatched her elbow. The strength of his pull started to lift her up without any effort from her.

Rey couldn’t see him past the rock. She couldn’t even see his gloves. All she saw were the stars.

“Let go,” she grunted, starting to pull back. The water fled her awareness; all she knew was that he was forcing her closer to him, and that it was dark. The light from the ceiling had been replaced with _dark_.

And yet-

Was this really him?

Was he alive?

Kylo pulled her up through the crack in the stone, out into the stars.

When he did, the world shifted. Gravity tilted. She found herself being pulled horizontally rather than vertically. She fell to the ground with a thud – only it wasn’t the ground. It wasn’t much of anything. Just – darkness.

The darkness between the stars.

She was alone.

Her skin burned with his touch. She pushed herself to her feet slowly, trying to keep herself steady. It was difficult when there was nothing to ground her anywhere. Nothing other than the distant pinpricks burning hundreds of lightyears away. Assuming any of this was real.

Kylo had been real. She _felt_ it.

“Where are you?” She called into the void.

Nothing.

“Kylo!”

Her breathing echoed around her. She got no answer.

But she could feel him, he was there. It didn’t make any _sense_.

A burning blade ignited beside her, spitting blazing energy. It was held low, very close to her calf, hot and thrumming with the potential for violence. The _promise_. Rey’s breath caught in her throat. Adrenaline shot across her nerves. She jerked back, straight into the man wielding the weapon. Her back slammed against his chest.

Kylo trapped her against him with his arm, wrapping it across her shoulders in a stiff, crushing embrace. He didn’t extinguish his blade, he just held it by his side as she struggled against him. His grip tightened further, a cage.

“Rey.” It was barely more than a whisper.

She stilled in his embrace, but only for a moment. She felt him lean down, closer to her ear.

“Rey, I’ve missed you.” He spoke her name like he was savoring it. She’d never heard him use that sort of tone before. It scared her, because it didn’t quite seem real. It _couldn’t_ be, because her heart fluttered in her chest. That wasn’t-

“What happened to you?”

She wasn’t sure which question she was asking.

The air shifted, and became a little charged. Like they were around machinery. She felt a breeze around her legs. A strange glow grew from below their feet. She felt like she was standing on solid ground again.

Kylo’s breath felt hot against the shell of her ear. It sent a chill down her spine.

“Stay with me.”

Another offer. But this one was different. This one – she could feel his chest rising and falling against her back. His heartbeat seemed in sync with her own.

She noticed his helmet by their feet.

“ _Please_.”

A pause.

She knew where they were.

The catwalk.

“Han,” she gasped. Her heart twisted, and became livid. “You killed your own _father_. How could I-”

Rey wrenched herself out of his arms, shoving him back with all her might. She stumbled away, her momentum so strong that she nearly fell-

She jerked as if she’d almost fallen asleep, her gasp echoing off the stone walls. Luke opened his eyes. She blinked, confused – then it all came back to her. The cave, the cliff. She was meditating with Luke.

The tide hadn’t come in yet.

None of it had been real.

She took a deep breath, trying to calm her racing heartbeat. Tentatively, she prodded at the raw spot in the back of her mind. She felt nothing of Kylo.

None of it had been real.

Luke stood without a word, brushing himself off and offering her a hand. She looked up at him, wanting to ask a question but not knowing where she wanted to start.

“Did you know that was going to happen?”

He sighed, but didn’t drop his hand. He let his gaze wander around their small confines. “This place is like a mirror, of sorts. I’ve had many visions here.”

She pressed her lips together, then got up on her own. He let his hand drop.

“What was the point?” Irritation sparked in her veins. She was learning to hate the Force’s visions.

His blue gaze reflected the light that bled in from the cracks in the stone. “That depends. What did you see?”

That, she did not want to talk about. She didn’t quite understand it, herself. So, instead, she asked, “What was I supposed to see?”

For a moment, she received no answer.

“What you needed to. Something about yourself.”

“I don’t understand.”

“Maybe you just don’t want to understand.” When she opened her mouth to defend herself – because there was _nothing_ that she didn't want to understand, there was _nothing_ from that vision that was helpful to her at all – he turned his gaze to the cave opening. “We should go. There’s not much more time before the tide comes in.”

Rey frowned, then she closed her mouth. Her chest felt all twisted up, a strange sensation that she couldn’t quite figure out.

She followed him out back into the open air without a word. The two of them made it back to his hut before either spoke at all.

What she needed to see. The memory of Kylo’s arm wrapped around her chest, pulling her closer to him, haunted her the entire trek back. Her ear still tingled from the heat of his breath. She brushed her hand over her ear, trying to rid herself of the sensation.

Never in her life had she let him that close to her before – never _would_ she allow him so close.

What she needed to see.

Luke ducked into his hut, but Rey paused at the entrance. Her fingers gripped the threshold.

Something awoke in her mind, an electrical wire sparking to life. All at once, she felt that echo she’d come to expect. All at once, she could feel-

Kylo Ren bled into the crevice in her mind, slotting perfectly where he fit before. His presence in her head was all at once a thunderous crash, roaring like the ocean surrounding the island, and a breeze, like someone opening a door. Rey breathed like she had been holding her breath all day. It felt like she had.

He reached out to her like he wasn’t sure that she would be there, like he had to double-check to make sure.

He wasn’t dead.

The thought felt a little too close to relief. And she knew he noticed.

Rey’s cheeks burned at the thought.

He tugged against her thoughts, a rough push that she answered with a shove of her own. Sometimes she didn’t think that he even realized that he did it. It made things easier, because she’d much rather him push – _shove_ – than pull her close. She’d rather push back.

And yet-

Her shove was more of a question.

 _Where were you_?

There was a long stretch of nothingness from him, although she could feel his emotions sitting heavy as a stone in the back of her head. He didn’t want to answer. He was angry, and a little worried. She wondered if he knew what had happened.

Rey shoved again.

This time, he answered. First, it was just a brush. Not a push or a shove at first, but it became one. She broke into his thoughts like a wave.

She felt it again. The same thing she felt on Starkiller, when she’d been staring down at that catwalk with a _hope_ , a _fear_ , a sense of-

The hopelessness nearly drowned her. The sense of resignation reviled her. For a single, solitary moment, Kylo opened himself up to her – and she felt it all as strongly as if she was in that moment once more, but standing on the catwalk instead of looking down at it. Staring at the man who had been his father. How he had wanted to believe him, in his heart. How he had wanted everything to just go away, for none of that to have happened-

But it couldn’t, and it _had_ , and-

He imagined her there, sometimes. He imagined what she would’ve said if she had been standing there next to them. Would she have called him a monster before he had even killed his father? Would she have even wanted to bother talking at all?

No, she wouldn’t have.

A part of her was unsure of whose answer that was. All she could see in her mind’s eye was that vision of them on that very catwalk. He had whispered in her ear, and her heart had fluttered. He had asked her to stay.

Her mind was open to him, as well. And he latched onto that vision like a vulture.

Shock rippled across their connection. Shock and-

Panicked, Rey tore away from his mind, expelling him from hers, as well. She threw up her walls and shut him out as best she could. It wasn’t entirely difficult to do when he was somewhere on the other side of the galaxy, but there was no getting away from that quiet hum in the back of her head, that -used-to-be-raw space filled with him. How could she forget how invasive he was?

How unwanted.

Rey grit her teeth and clenched her fists at her side. That damned vision.

“Rey, are you coming inside?” Luke called.

Oh.

She had forgotten.

“Yes,” she said hurriedly, “I’m coming.”

Luke was already laying out his mat to sleep on for the night. He spared her only a glance when she entered the hut.

“You don’t look well,” he mentioned as he settled in. “Are you alright?”

She shook her head. Hopefully, the red of her cheeks had faded. “Yeah. It’s just been a long day.”

He looked at her, saying nothing. Then he nearly smiled, but it looked a little off. She couldn’t put a finger on why.

“You think I don’t know about your connection to my nephew.”

Rey’s jaw dropped open. Her heart sputtered in her chest, and there was no way her cheeks were any less red. She felt as if she had been caught keeping a terrible secret. Maybe she had. “No. I mean. I don’t-”

“Relax.” He held up his hand. “I had hoped that you would come to tell me in your own time, but you’ve been here for almost a year, so I don’t think that’s going to happen.” He sounded wry. Maybe that was what kept his smile from seeming quite real.

How was she supposed to take that? How was she supposed to respond? She could feel Kylo in the back of her mind, demanding entrance. She ignored it as best she could.

“I wasn’t trying to keep it from you,” she insisted, but of course she had been. He saw right through her.

Lifting a brow, his expression turned somewhat humorous. “Of course not. But, Rey. It’s alright, I’ve known from the beginning.”

A pause. “You have?”

“You came here holding my father’s lightsaber, with the scar of the Force all over you. Of course I felt him.”

It was – humiliating. Rey felt like a child. Of course she wouldn’t be able to hide it from him. This was _Luke_ _Skywalker_. But, if he knew about their connection – then maybe he would know about why he had been ripped from her mind the whole day. She could ask now.

“But, today,” she started slowly. A bit hesitantly. “When I woke up, it was gone.”

“Your link.” It wasn’t a question.

She nodded anyway.

Luke’s expression didn’t change in the slightest as he readjusted himself on his mat. “I know. That’s because I blocked it.”

A strange sensation came over her. It wasn’t quite – a betrayal of trust, per se, but – she felt almost angry. Defensive. The whole day, she had wondered what had happened – if something had happened to him, or if-

But it had been Luke. He had known the entire time _,_ and he had cut her off from it.

“Why?” She was careful to sound mostly neutral, not to give away the strange thickness she felt inside her chest. She couldn’t tell if he saw through her or not.

“The same reason I asked you about Han’s death. The same reason why I took you to that cave in the cliff. I was trying to make you see, since you’re being so stubborn about it.”

A true smile grew on his face then, small and secretive and sad. He wrapped his cloak around himself like a blanket and laid back. “I’d be happy to continue this conversation with you in the morning, but you must forgive me. I’m old and just as tired.” He turned his back to her and she knew the conversation was over. It didn’t matter to Luke what she _felt_ about him doing that-

Rey stood there with clenched fists. Alone.

Or, at least, alone outside of her head. Kylo was still firmly _there_ . Faint from the distance and denied access to her thoughts, but _there_.

Was it a comfort?

She wanted to curse Luke for all that he had done that day. For all that he had put her through. And for what? For something that she needed to see.

She knew what she needed to see. The knowledge sat like a pit in her stomach, awful and heavy. Ignoring it would be so much better – despite what Luke seemed to think.

He had known the whole time. And he had done all of this so that she would realize-

So that she could see-

No.

No.

She didn’t want to.

Rey wanted to kill Kylo Ren. She _did_. And yet, she was glad that he wasn’t dead. Not because she wanted the kill to be hers, but because-

Because she just was.

She wondered if she would slot against him so completely in real life. She wondered if he was really so warm. She wondered what his heartbeat would feel like against her palm.

None of it made any sense.

Her thoughts were only spiraling; there was nothing to be gained by sinking into the confused mire that were her thoughts. It was too hard. She wasn’t ready to admit to anything. She just wanted to stop thinking about it. So she yanked out her own mat, setting it up as far away from her teacher as possible before lying down herself.

Sleep was almost impossible to find. Not that she expected anything less. Outside the tiny windows in the hut, she could see just the barest hint of stars.

Stars like in her vision.

Rolling over on her mat, she made a decided effort not to let her gaze wander outside the windows anymore. The shadows draped over everything were fuzzy and _safe_. They made her think of nothing, if she concentrated hard enough.

After a long time of staring at the dark, Rey closed her eyes. She gave their connection a nudge before she let herself drift off to sleep, just to feel that it was still there.

Just to be sure.


End file.
